Let me in
by caaitlin
Summary: Self destructive teen, Bella is in a battle with her own mind. After a horrific child-hood, she spends her time pretending to be okay and trying to forget her problems. When new guy, Edward moves into town, he starts to unveil the alien feelings Bella has tried to avoid. All human. Story of love, loss and mental health. I'm bad at summaries! First ever fan fiction. Hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Howdy! I posted this story a few months back but life got in the way and I didn't have any time to continue it. Sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes. No vampires/werewolves, everyone is human, sorry! I really wanted to write a story putting these two characters into a different situation. I've changed the characters up a little personality and appearance wise. Disclaimer- I don't own the characters Bella and Edward, I have created all the other characters. I really hope you enjoy! Reviews are appreciated!

~caitlin

let me in

chapter one

mixtape – daughter / human

"Bella! You have three minutes to get your lazy ass out of bed or I'm coming up with a bucket of ice water!"

I jolt awake to the sound of my foster mom's demanding tone and plunge out of bed onto the hard wood floor. Fuck. That hurt. I hobble on to my feet and push my curtains open wide. Beams of sunlight hit me and my head throbs from the immediate burst of sunlight. The sound of Stevie Nicks' belter of a voice echoes from downstairs. As usual, my foster mom, Marie, has music playing full blast at this time in the morning. It would be annoying if she didn't have such great music taste.

I check my phone to see a few texts from my friends Poppy and Connor.

_Apparently Harley's back from North High. Ring me! Xo_

_Just seen Harley. Said he's back at Southbank again. God help us._

Fuck. Harley's back. He's my ex-boyfriend who possesses the personality of a brick and got transferred to North High last month for fighting. We were together for a while, until he cheated on me with my best friend, Laura. Like, come on. Such a clique way to end a relationship. He could have at least been a tad more creative. I'm really not in the mood to deal with his shit.

I shuffle out of my room to the bathroom still half asleep. Once in the bathroom, I close the bathroom door behind me and strip for a shower. I stand immobile under the hot cascade of water and my whole body starts to shake. Isn't it weird how something so simple can haunt you so much? Well, it's showers for me. Examining all the terrible things I done to my body. The countless scars up my arms and legs, a physical reminder of the days were I was desperate to feel something, anything, even if it was pain. I am now two months clean, but that doesn't mean it isn't on my mind. I don't think the temptation to cut myself will ever go, but after spending two weeks in hospital after my last attempt, being forced to see a therapist and being put on suicide watch for the next six months, I've been trying my hardest to be _normal._ Actually, I haven't been doing very well lately. I'm starting to get bad again. I'm trying so hard to keep myself together, but every reminder of my past, every family fight, every time I have a nightmare, a string breaks inside of me and I'm slipping. I don't know if I can hang on anymore. It seems like destroying myself is the only thing I'm good at.

I distract myself from my inner turmoil by washing myself under the shower and shaving in all necessary areas. I jump out of the shower, wrap myself in a towel off of the radiator and hobble out of the bathroom to my bedroom. Drying myself, I grab a pair of jeans and a old plaid shirt from my wardrobe, as well as my battered pair of black high-top converse. I throw my clothes on and stalk back to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I stare at myself in the full length mirror. My long, gangly legs, long brown hair, which today decides not to cooperate with me, abundance of freckles all over my cheeks and across my nose, pale skin, large blue eyes and too-skinny body. I hate myself more and more every day. I can't stand looking in the mirror; even now I cringe at the reflection. I can't stand hearing the sound of my voice. This self-hatred is consuming my every thought. I want to love myself again.

I saunter back to my room and grab my car keys, phone and headphones and stuff them in my bag. As I walk down the stairs, the smell of bacon and toast hits me. I put my hand over my nose and mouth just to stop myself from gagging. I have been having a hard time eating recently for some unknown reason. I keep telling myself it's a side effect of my new medication.

I find Marie and her son, Lewis in the kitchen. Marie is buttering toast while Lewis is looking for something in the cupboards.

"Hey Bells, how are you feeling?" Marie asks me, sounding concerned as usual. It seems like she spends her life worrying about me. She really is the best. I couldn't ask for a better foster family. Her and her husband, Michael, took me in from one of the many foster homes I floated in and out of when I was younger and they have took such good care of me. I just wish I was a better person, for their sake.

"I'm good. Hey, Lewis" he murmurs a good morning. I kiss Marie on the cheek and grab a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"What are your plans for tonight?" Marie asks, cocking her right eyebrow up. She and Michael are going for a weekend away in Canada and Lewis is staying at a friend's house, which means I have the house to myself. Of course, I am going to throw a party.

"Nothing much. Just a few friends are coming over" I say, rolling my eyes.

"OK, you know the score. Not too many people, don't get too drunk, no drugs, and Hunny? Use protection" Ugh, not the talk again.

"On that note, I am leaving before this gets any weirder" I grab my car keys out of my bag and kiss Marie on the cheek.

"You're not eating?" she sounds concerned, again.

"Erm, no. I'll eat at school. Bye!" I rush out of the door before the inquisition begins.

I arrive at school and park in my usual spot, noticing that there's a new car parked in Poppy's usual spot next to mine. The silver Corsa sits innocently next to my car. I've never seen it before around school. Must be a new kid. I lock the car and meet Poppy at the main gates of the school.

"Hey, B" she hugs me tightly, jeez, what's wrong?

"What was that for?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Good luck. You're going to need it. I just seen Harley and he's looking for you" Oh great, just what I need on a Friday morning. Poppy links her arm with mine as we walk to our first lesson, English. I pray to myself that Harley isn't in our English class.

Once we make it to class, I look through the small window on the door. There sits Harley next to my seat at the back of the class room. I kick the door with a sudden flurry of anger and turn to walk back out of school. Poppy grabs me by the waist.

"Come on, B. You're going to have to face him sooner or later" she says forcefully, dragging me back to the door. She opens the door and pushes me into the class.

"I hate you" I whisper, noticing that everyone is staring at us. Our usual group of friends start laughing, probably realising why I am so reluctant to come into class. Harley is sitting at the back with us. I shuffle over to the desk, dragging my feet and trying my hardest to compose myself. As I walk past one of the desks, I notice a new guy sitting with my friend, Josh. He looks up at me as I walk past and smiles a goofy, lopsided smile. I smile shyly and put my head down, finally making it to my desk at the back. I sit awkwardly, trying to forget Harley is there. Then he opens his stupid mouth.

"Hey Bells" he smiles. I cringe.

"Don't call me that" I say, my voice small. I worry if I speak any louder my voice will crack.

"Don't be like this, Bella. I said I was sorry. You're overreacting"

"Fuck you, Harley." I put my hand up to gain Mr Davies' attention.

"Yes, Bella?" Mr Davies says.

"Harley is being a, how do I put it it? A fucking moron. Can he move?" I give him my best attempt of the puppy dog eyes. Not that I need them. Harley has a bad reputation in school and I don't think there's one teacher who actually likes him.

"Harley. Swap seats with Edward." Davies says in a no nonsense tone. Harley rolls his eyes and curses to himself. I know he would kick up a storm if he wasn't on probation. He picks up his copy of To Kill A Mockingbird and moves to a desk on the other side of the class room. New guy stands up and Harley sits in his place. So the new guy has a name. I take this time to admire his appearance. His copper brown hair, a curly mop on top of his head and leafy green eyes. He must be at least six foot tall. He is wearing a Joy Division sweatshirt and black skinny jeans with the same black converse as me. I find myself staring and look away as he reaches my desk. He slumps deep into the chair and throws his bag on the floor next to him. I look up at him and find him staring right at me.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey! Thank you so much for the reviews/favourites/follows! I really hope I started the story off well. Sorry that it took a couple of days for me to upload this, English coursework is a killer. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

chapter two

mixtape – bill ricchini / a mountain a peak

"You're drooling" I mutter sarcastically as New Guy continues to stare at me. He quickly breaks eye contact and wipes his mouth with his sleeve.

"What? Shit. Sorry" he says quickly, his face turning red.

"I was joking" I smirk up at him and he smiles the same goofy, lopsided smile as before. His eyes are greener than they looked before.

"It's just-"he begins, but then shakes his head. I narrow my eyes at him.

"What? Tell me" I insist, turning myself in my chair so I am facing him and my back is against the wall.

"You have beautiful eyes. The kind you get lost in. I-I guess I did" he turns his head and smirks at me. I look at my hands that twist nervously at my lap and smile to myself. I think today is the most I've smiled in a while. I'm never truly happy. Some days, I'm just less sad than others. It saddens me that the source of the smiles is something as stupid as a guy. I promised myself a while back I wouldn't get myself involved with guys otherwise I am going to end up even more fucked up than I already am. Nothing is permanent, especially people. Friends become strangers, lovers become friends and people leave.

"Well, er, thank you-" Shit. I can't remember his name.

"Edward" he smiles and pulls out his hand for me to shake.

"Bella" I shake his hand. "So what's your story, Edward? Mysterious, tall, broody new guy. Is this the part where we're meant to fall in love at first sight or something" I say, my voice dripping in sarcasm. He laughs.

Edward explains how his mom got offered a job from the local hospital and his father owns business up here, so they packed up and moved all the way from New York. He tells me about his younger sister, Daisy, who goes to Green-Hill Primary school and his dog, Mouse, who happens to be a massive German Sheppard. He tells me about his love for skateboarding and I tell him about the skate park where we usually hang. After he's told me pretty much his life story, he turns the inquisition to me. Shit.

"So you live here with your parents?" he asks.

"Foster parents" I say, my voice small. It is something I don't really want to get into. He seems to understand my reluctance on the subject as he decides to change it.

"So what are you into?" he asks, facing me.

"Comics and old music. That's it, I suppose" I shrug.

"You're into comics?" he asks, eyes wide. His reaction makes me smile.

"Why so surprised? It better not be because I'm a girl" I narrow my eyes at him. He shakes his head.

"And old music, huh? Examples please" he asks, cocking his eyebrow up.

"The Smiths, Fleetwood Mac, Joy Division"

"Well, Bella. You have pretty good taste in music." He grins.

We talk comics and music until the bell rings. Poppy waves her hand at me, signalling me to come over. I mouth one minute.

"Edward. I'm having a party tonight. You can come if you want. You don't have to. I mean it's not like-" he interrupts me.

"I'd love to. What's your number? So you can text me your address" he sounds excited. Jeez, what is wrong with me? I hardly know this guy and I'm swooning over his every word. I dismiss the thoughts in my mind.

"Are you just trying to score my digits?" I smirk and he laughs. His laugh makes my heart ache.

"Well- yeah, and I kinda need your address" he smirks. I give him my number and say bye. I walk over to Poppy, Connor and Tom. Poppy winks at me and bumps her hip into mine.

"What?" I narrow my eyes.

"Don't play dumb, Bells. You like him" she says. Tom chokes on his drink. I've always suspected he likes me more than a friend but I've known him since nursery. It would be like dating my brother.

"I do not. I don't even know him, jeez." I roll my eyes and hit her arm.

The day passes in a blur, listening to teachers drone on and having to actually try to put effort to things. I don't really have any motivation to do anything anymore. The thing I have gotten really good at lately though is pretending to be okay. Everyone thinks I am such a happy person and that I have it all together. What they don't know is that I'm dying on the inside. I don't have it all together. I'm falling apart. I look around me and see my friends smiling, laughing, being _normal_ and it breaks my heart knowing that I will never feel the happiness that they do. I'm all messed up. I'm crazy.

The bell rings signalling the end of the day. I say bye to my friends and walk to my car. I notice Edward getting into the silver Corsa next to me.

"Hey, Bella" he says cheerfully.

"Hi" I say, my voice small. I worry that if I speak any louder, my voice will crack. I wave goodbye and jump in my car. The music from my radio surrounds the car and I put on my sunglasses to hide unwanted tears. As I reverse out of my parking space and turn onto the road, I notice Edward still stood outside his car, looking confused. I shake my head and try to dismiss the thought of him.

As I walk through the door, I hear Marie on the phone.

"Yeah, I'm worried. She's not eating again. What if she does it again? I know. It's not right, Kate" I then realise who she is talking to. Kate McCarthy. My former therapist. Marie promised me I would never have to go back to a therapist. Tears start to run down my cheeks again and I dash them away with the back of my hand. I run upstairs and slam my bedroom door behind me, ignoring Lewis' questioning. I succumb to the flurry of emotion I have been trying to suppress all day and turn into a bundle of sadness and tears on my bed. 


End file.
